If you have not been feeling yourself lately, you are not alone.
With coronavirus restrictions being enforced for as long as they have been, human beings are naturally becoming a bit stir crazy. We are social beings by nature, so removing that element through a forced shutdown could have potentially damaging effects. This article will offer you solutions for combatting loneliness while also embracing comfort in being alone without feeling lonely.

For those who live in states that are looser on their restrictions, socializing still has its limitations. Rules on staying 6 feet apart bring forth hesitations when it comes to greeting each other through a hug or handshake. Even striking up a conversation with a stranger in general is becoming more unusual as we aren’t aware of how strictly they are adhering to social distancing.

We will all come out of this pandemic a little different but what I am recommending in this article are ways that you can overcome the feeling of loneliness through increased resilience and self awareness.

Being stuck inside a home can serve as a metaphor of being stuck with yourself. Facing ourselves means embracing both the good and not so good aspects that have been repressed. To sit in the discomfort that arises is to embrace your vulnerability. Researcher and Licensed Social Worker Dr. Brene Brown discusses vulnerability in a tangible way, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

We have the choice to view our situation from the lens of a victim who is lonely or we can choose to see it as a person who is experiencing momentary loneliness and has the option to change their situation.

The journey inward will be the greatest use of your time because you will uncover aspects of yourself that you love and wish to nourish or despise and wish to transform. Regardless, they are all aspects of you and can teach you a lot about what your being requires in order to feel optimal and fulfilled. This allows for the experience of being alone to no longer equate to feeling lonely. Introverted people find a particular comfort in spending time alone and as a natural extrovert, I had to switch perspectives and understand why. I realized they engage in activities that don’t require another’s company and rely on less external stimuli to find enjoyment. One study even goes so far to say that extroverts  place higher importance and levels of interest on other humans that introverts do. In other words, they are less motivated to obtain social rewards.

I like to learn about finding comfort in aloneness from those who naturally do it best, but at the end of the day, I still require a lot of human contact time. Simultaneously since experiencing this pandemic, I have been able to embrace comfort in just nourishing a few friendships and sitting in silence among others rather than feeling the urge to talk. I also have learned to really enjoy alone time after focusing my energy on activities that nourish me instead of spending it on social media or Netflix. It is safe to say that I am an extroverted-introvert at this point and the following suggestions I provide will combat the feeling of loneliness for both types of people.

Ways to combat loneliness:

Start a journaling practice.
Journaling is an excellent tool for self discovery and allows us to transfer the many ruminations of the mind onto a blank sheet of paper. It can provide clarity and with continual practice, reveal the patterns in your behavior that may be holding you back. Journaling allows us to uncover repressed emotion in a safe and private way and allows us to use our inner guidance to come up with solutions. To look for patterns, regularly write down your thoughts followed by the emotion it brought up and what you did as a result. This is one way you can learn your triggers and unhealthy habits that follow.

When journaling to increase self reflection and vulnerability, I recommend the follow prompts:

Make a list of all the times in your life you felt most sure of yourself and at peace. What has changed since?
Make a list of all the things that you are grateful for in your life right now.
Make a list of all the people who have been in your life that have genuinely supported you, and who you can genuinely trust. If they are still available, add a note on how you can reach out to them.
Do a word association exercise with the word ‘lonely’ by writing down as many words as you can think of that come up when you reflect on that word. Start by writing it down, followed by the next word that pops into your head. Continue writing words that pop up, without stopping or censoring, until no more words come to you. Afterwards, review the list. What kinds of interesting associations occur? Are there any patterns? What can you learn about yourself from this exercise?
What would you do if you loved yourself unconditionally? What would it look like and feel like? What elements are needed? How can you act on these things whether you do or don’t?
When have you felt most vulnerable in your life? What happened? Was it a negative or positive experience, and how did it affect your responses to vulnerability afterwards?

Under what circumstances do you feel least vulnerable? Do you feel more or less connected to others when you are least vulnerable?

Create a list of daily goals and schedule it in.
Feeling like you have nothing to do can be devaluing. If you make an intention to follow a routine that incorporates things that make you happy or that you have been wanting to accomplish, then you have something to look forward to daily. Making three big goals a day is a good place to start.

Spend less time on social media and more time finding a flow state.
Spending too much time on social media is never a healthy thing to do but now amidst a pandemic, it is easy to compare ourselves even more when we see how others are spending their free time. Some are choosing to go back into the nightlife or showing off all their accomplishments obtained during this lockdown. Just think about how that time and energy you are giving to them can be better utilized and returned to you. Instead spend that time doing something that makes time feel like it doesn’t exist because you are so caught up in the craft. Remember being a child and playing with your toys? Were you thinking about the time every few minutes, or at all?

I recently picked up hobbies that I am novice at, so the feeling of flow is still to come once I develop my skills. I am learning to appreciate the journey though.

Become a more interesting person.

You heard me right. If you find yourself running out of things to talk about or struggle to hold a conversation, then take this as a calling to further develop yourself. Reading books, listening to podcasts, and watching documentaries offer tremendous value to your personal growth and depth as a person. There are also a ton of online courses available to be taken on your schedule that can be highly transformative and allow you to access and entirely different cohort of people. With the device you carry in your pocket you have access to all of this. There is really no excuse.

Combating loneliness by embracing aloneness is part of the inner work that can be done during this time. I also acknowledge how important it is to utilize our external resources and find new ways to be social.
I am listing resources that I am aware of now which can help those who are reintegrating into the outside world as well as those who are still following stay at home orders.

Ways to connect with people in person:

Meetup.com is a great website for finding groups of people that share common interests and meet up regularly to pursue them. Right now, many groups are meeting virtually through zoom but some are choosing to meet in person. Facebook also has a ton of groups that post about upcoming events in your area.

Bumble BFF is just one application available in the IOS or Android app store that gives people an opportunity to match with others looking to connect on a platonic level. Apps like these are filled with people in your local area looking for friends to do things with. Take time to carefully reflect on the type of friendship you want to develop and be clear about that in your profile. Take it from the introverts, ‘Quality is better than quantity’.

Workout classes offer a great opportunity to meet people before and after class. Going to regular classes makes it even easier to strike up a conversation with someone who seems interesting to you and the good thing is that you already have something in common. Perhaps mention grabbing coffee together sometime after class and be transparent about your desire to explore new friendships because you have been feeling lonely. It is so relieving to hear about someone else experiencing the same problem and is brave enough to state it.

Dog parks provide a social setting because while the dogs are running rampant, their owners are around observing and acting curious about other people’s dogs. It is easy for people to talk about their pets which can segway into a plan to meet up around the same time again.

Ways to connect with people when meeting in person is not an option:

There are a ton of niche Facebook groups filled with people who regularly post. You can chat in the forum and learn new things or share some tips, and depending on the group, there may be regular zoom meetings and virtual events you can attend.

Most of the seminars that take place every year have transitioned to the virtual space. I have attended a few and even though there are hundreds of people attending, some events offer the opportunity to chat with the speaker during a live talk and go into break out rooms where you can discuss what you learned with fellow attendees.

Eventbrite is filled with virtual networking or speed dating groups making it possible to keep business and our love lives flowing. Many of them occur on a regular basis so that they can easily be added into your weekly ritual. You never know who you can meet at these types of events!

Make a list of people who you value and set an intention to reach out to them periodically and try to make time for a phone call. Even though most people are working out of their homes, it doesn’t mean they have more free time. A simple message saying that you are thinking about them and would like to connect soon could mean a lot to someone. Especially if they are experiencing loneliness.

At the end of the day, making peace with being alone does not mean you will never experience loneliness. Through discovering your own resourcefulness, you can find the ways to fulfill yourself regardless of social interactions. And when it comes to reintegrating into society, you can have a new skill set for embracing your vulnerabilities and choosing to spend your time wisely in ways that matter to you. Being more comfortable with being vulnerable and alone with yourself can also decrease anxiety that arises in new social settings.

Lastly, it is important to seek out a professional to talk to. Counseling or coaching offers an opportunity to be heard fully and the to explore one’s self in ways they weren’t previously familiar with. It is a sure way to come out of this pandemic feeling more self aware, resilient and resourceful so that whatever situation comes our way in the future does not feel as disempowering. Email me at daniellenicolegraves@gmail.com about how you can receive my support virtually.