“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” – Rupi Kaur

The road to self improvement is never ending and life will continue to bring challenges to test our strength. Rather than reacting with old behaviors that do not serve us, there are better ways to overcome our troubles that are more in alignment with our current values. 

This article expands upon my previous article “ ‘Self-Partnered’s’ Guide to Becoming the Ultimate Partner After Quarantine” where I discussed the concept of why reinvesting into yourself makes you more likely to attract an ideal partner. Now I want to focus on how you can reinvest in yourself by identifying the resources that are readily available to you and creating a commitment to take better care of yourself. 

Having a self care practice is one of the most beneficial things that you can do in order to reinvest in yourself. The intention I associate with self care is to take responsibility for your well being by learning to listen to your intuition, consistently checking in with your mental state and taking loving action towards improving it. Finding even the most simple ways to incorporate self care into your daily life serves as compound interest into your overall “emotional wellness bank account”. 

If you tend to live your life by putting other people’s needs before your own, just know that self care is not a selfish practice because when you are working toward being a better version of yourself, other people will benefit from the time they spend around you and may even take inspiration from your actions and attitude. 

For those of you who are currently single, don’t perceive self care as a distraction from heartbreak or the thought of not being in a relationship. It may be ingrained in your beliefs that you are not whole unless you find a person who will love you and agrees to be in a relationship with you. Placing your self worth on something external, like another person’s decisions, will ultimately lead to disappointment if you aren’t able to believe in your own value and ability to fulfill yourself. 

For the remainder of this article I will use the term ‘self partnered’ over ‘single’ because rather than defining yourself as being in a state of either having a romantic partner or not, saying you are self partnered means that you are investing the energy you would give to someone else back into yourself. This in turn gives you a much better chance of finding an ideal partner because the more respect you hold for yourself, the more respect you know you deserve to receive. For those of you who are currently in relationships, your relationships will also benefit from your efforts towards becoming a happier, more ideal you and perhaps you and your partner can practice these self care acts together.

Investing in yourself

Before we explore ways you can invest in yourself through self care, let’s clear up some common excuses I hear about this notion. 

“I don’t have time to invest in myself because I have a full time job, children, school, etc.” or “I can’t afford to invest in myself when I can barely afford to pay rent and feed myself.”

Well you will be pleased to know that there are plenty of self care acts you can do that don’t cost too much time or money. I will help you come up with a plan that can be accomplished given your current lifestyle. It requires adjusting your perspective so that you notice all the opportunities you have in a given day to do something nice to yourself.

Identify current stressors

Consider the things that stress you out the most in a given day. 

• What is your usual reaction to this stressor?
• Does your reaction involve doing something positive to combat the negative feelings brought on by this stressor?
• What is your self talk like when a stressor occurs? 

Identify your current resources

Make a list of all the people, places, and things in your life that offer you comfort and joy.

Designing a self care plan should include a list of resources that are easily accessible and affordable. When making this list, consider all the areas of your life that attribute to your well being. 

Making a self care plan 

After you have identified your main stressors and have come up with a list of resources, it is time to create a self care plan. I prefer to categorize the resources into sections so that it is easier to quickly skim through this list and make a decision that applies to your current mood. 

The sections of a self care list may include the following:

Environmental

What type of environment makes you feel most content? Is there somewhere near where you live that offers a similar feeling? Make a plan to visit this special place when you can. Include free, cheap, and higher priced places for variety to give you something to look forward to. 

What does the space that you spend most of your time in look like and how does this make you feel? Decorating your space the way you like is a form of self care. As a self-partnered person, right now is a better time than ever to decorate your personal space in the most obscure or extravagant way you like. Paint your walls black and buy a pink fuzzy rug if that calls you because chances are that it is harder to find someone who agrees with those decor choices when you do eventually share a space with someone. 

Physical 

Physical movement is a form of self care. In what ways do you physically enjoy expressing yourself? Do you dress in a way that makes you feel confident? What does your body posture say about the way you perceive yourself?

Sometimes self care is as simple as putting on our favorite outfit and carrying our body in a way that exudes our desired feeling.

Social 

Having a sense of community is tremendously beneficial to our well being. Humans are social creatures, even the introverts. Identify social groups or settings that make you feel that sense of belonging and find ways to involve yourself with them regularly to maintain those relationships. 

Look for low cost ways to meet new people on websites like meetup.com or niche Facebook groups.

Spiritual

Whether you believe in a higher power or not, there is research that positively correlates spiritual acts such as prayer, meditation, or attending church to improvement of overall happiness. Some people enjoy the sense of belonging they find in a church, some people prefer to ask for help from a higher power when life feels out of our control, and some seek transcendence of their ego by voiding their mind of thought in order to reach a state of peace. Define what it is that calls you and explore it, even if it is as simple as expressing gratitude and practicing the Cosmic Law of Cause and Effect. 

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”.

Emotional 

Are there people in your life who you consider to be an emotional support? Do you have a healthy outlet for expressing difficult emotions?

A person who does not care for their emotional well being may suppress a lot of what they are feeling inside and act out in unhealthy ways, like drinking excess alcohol. People who are perceived to be overly emotional may become overwhelmed by the negative thoughts that arise and belief that those thoughts define who they are. 

Example

Commit to yourself

Once your list is created, it is time to make a commitment to yourself through either a verbal or signed agreement. Feel free to use the prompt I have provided. Say it out loud three times with vindication and sign your name to officialize it. 
“I, name, am making a commitment to myself to take daily action towards being a better and happier version of myself. I am aware of the resources available to me that I can refer to in my self care plan. I am doing this because I know that when I commit to myself, I improve my well being and it makes me a more enjoyable person to be around. I am committing to myself because I love myself. I love you, your name. ”