I have been with my husband Luke since 2020 and married since May 2022. Like any couple, we’ve experienced moments of conflict, but these have always been short-lived and resolved within a day. In fact, since getting married, the conflicts have lessened even more for several reasons.
Here are four ways I mitigate conflicts in our relationship, followed by how Luke’s approach contributes to our harmony.
My Role in Mitigating Conflict
1. Forgiveness Comes Easily to Me
I’ve learned the importance of forgiving and letting go quickly. For me, being happy and connected with Luke is far more valuable than holding onto small grievances. Whenever an issue arises, I zoom out to see the bigger picture. My love for him always outweighs the little, insignificant problems that pop up.
2. I Listen Without Defensiveness
When Luke shares his perspective, I make a conscious effort to listen without jumping to defend myself. Instead, I focus on understanding his needs and finding a solution that works for both of us. This mindset shifts the conversation from blame to problem-solving.
3. I Communicate Calmly and Clearly
When I need to bring up an issue, I do so with as little emotional charge as possible. I’m matter-of-fact, avoiding name-calling, criticism, or contempt. By keeping my tone neutral and respectful, I’m able to focus on the point I’m trying to get across and the need I’m seeking to meet.
4. I Maintain a Calm Emotional Baseline
My emotional baseline is very calm and peaceful, which helps me navigate conflicts effectively. Every day, I engage in activities I love that cultivate this sense of peace. When emotions do arise, I allow myself to feel them while also using tools to return to my calm center. This emotional stability ensures that issues don’t escalate unnecessarily.
My Husband’s Role in Mitigating Conflict
In my previous points, I focused on my role, but Luke’s contributions are equally essential. Here’s how he helps maintain the harmony in our relationship:
1. He Takes Accountability
Luke’s ability to admit when he’s wrong makes conflict resolution so much easier. We don’t waste time arguing over who’s right; instead, we focus on solving the issue at hand.
2. He Prioritizes Resolution
Luke aims to resolve conflicts the same day they arise rather than letting them fester. While I sometimes need space to calm down and articulate my thoughts, he honors this and even sends loving texts to remind me that he’s ready to resolve things when I am. This approach helps us reconnect quickly and move forward together.
3. He’s a Man of His Word
Luke listens and follows through on what he agrees to do. If it’s a new habit, he might need reminders, but he generally keeps his promises. This consistency eliminates the need for repeated arguments over the same issues.
4. He Balances Logic and Intuition
Luke’s logical approach to communicating his thoughts is balanced by his intuitive understanding of emotions. His ability to reflect on and understand his feelings allows him to empathize when I express mine. This balance makes our conversations both productive and compassionate.
5. He’s Dedicated to Self-Improvement
Luke’s commitment to self-reflection and personal growth is inspiring. Over the years, I’ve seen him evolve into someone who is reasonable, articulate, and understanding in conflict situations. His passion for self-improvement—through reading and learning—continues to strengthen our relationship.
These four practices on my part and Luke’s thoughtful contributions create a strong foundation for harmony in our marriage. By prioritizing emotional connection, honest communication, and mutual growth, we’ve built a dynamic where conflicts are rare and resolved with love and understanding.
What works in your relationship to minimize conflicts? Let me know in the comments!